Earbud Implants Promise To Keep Earbuds From Falling Out

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – “They keep falling out!” a disgusted Willow Burris yelled into the sky holding her earbuds in hand as she tried to listen to Pod Save America while walking to her local Starbucks.  In her pocketbook she has four more pairs of earbuds that she’s collected over the past year all.  “I don’t know what’s wrong with my ears but I can’t seem to find a pair that stays in!”

Earbud Derangement Syndrome or EDS is a newly recognized physiological disorder that affects up to 99% of the human population with its primary symptom being earbuds won’t stay in their proper place due to the shape and curvature of the person’s outer ear.

MD/PHD plastic surgeon Harriet Snider, founder of Auris Implants, discovered EDS through a years long clinical trial involving over 300 people and 10,000 pairs of earbuds.

“I could never find a pair of earbuds that fit comfortably and most just fell out after a few minutes.  I asked myself if I can’t keep earbuds in how many more people suffer with this as well?  Then I decided that the only solution was to surgically implant the earbuds into my ear and it worked perfectly!”

Implanting earbuds seems controversial but considering ears have mainly stayed the same shape over the past 10,000 years it is unlikely that earbud manufacturers will every solve this problem.

Auris Implants has a 12 month waiting list for earbud implant surgery and she’s already performing upgrades on past patients.

“Each time Apple or Google release a new pair of earbuds my repeat customer base grows!”  Exclaimed Snider.  “I’m more excited that I get to use my gifts to make the world a better place.”