Net Neutrality Repeal Throws Internet Back Into Dark Ages


WASHINGTON, D.C. – The infamous Net Neutrality rules repealed by the Federal Communications Commission took effect earlier today throwing the entire internet back to the dark ages of 2015.

“I’m gonna have to dig out my old 56k modem so that I can ask Alexa to order my Venti Double Latte from Starbucks before I leave for work,” said a distraught¬†Rikki Clemens, a Firehouse Subs sign spinner at the corner of Braddock Rd. and Little River Turnpike in Alexandria, VA.¬† “I also don’t think I’ll be able to listen to Spotify on my phone so I better find my Sony Discman and Tribe Called Quest CDs before I leave too.”

Many prominent lawmakers have been warning that the repeal will bring back the dark ages of the internet prior to Net Neutrality when Netflix cost $8.99 per month and Amazon Prime cost $99 per year.

Said one prominent Senate Staffer, “At any moment you will start to experience the internet