Stock Trading App For The Ultra-Rich Guarantees Positive Returns


NEW YORK, NY – Stock trading app ‘Little John’ is making waves by promising wealthy customers that any trades they make using the app will return a profit.

“If you are in the top 1% of high income earners than you can receive a free account and start trading today.  If you’re not then there’s a moderate sign up fee,” says Mitzie Kerr, the Chief Marketing Officer at fintech startup  “Basically it works like multi-level marketing where we can guarantee our wealthy clients positive returns because no matter how their trades do the app will just offset any loses with money invested by the other 99%.”

“It’s really just a ponzi scheme where they take from the poor and give it to the rich,” an unnamed source from within the company claimed.

“We’ve been consistently seeing year over year annual returns of 18%!” an excited Mitzie stated, “And we’re really excited about our next app which is the same idea but for mutual funds!”